How Not To Draft - The JP Ross Story

Those of you who are fans of FRATasy Sports may be familiar with our 3^rd most talented writer (we have 3 writers) and self-proclaimed funny guy (he isn’t funny), FantsySportsNow aka JP Ross. Yes, he is a fantasy sports writer who can’t even spell F-A-N-T-A-S-Y correctly. Well we had a draft last night with some other guys and, no surprise, the shit talking has already begun.  

I took Ray Rice with the 1^st overall pick which has left some guys shaking their heads. I have this personal thing against Foster since I told a guy about him last year and he snaked him from me in the draft. We’re also in a PPR league so I like the chances of Rice catching a shit ton of balls as opposed to AP. Oh, and for those of you who aren’t aware, McGahee is gone and Sticky Ricky doesn’t scare me. So I got to pick whoever I wanted and I did. Doubt it? Explain to me why in December. 

Anyway, let’s take a look at this kid so you know who I’m talking about. 

No, that’s not a recent picture. But he only looks about 3 days older and a bit more retarded. 

So with my 1^st pick being the “controversial” one, let’s take a look at how his draft went down round by round.

1. Michael Vick – Obviously the schmuck didn’t read the article I wrote a few weeks ago. The now 100 million dollar man is one hell of an athlete but also one hell of an injury risk to spend a 1^st round pick on. But hell, I thought he was going to take a kicker here so at least there’s that.

2. Frank Gore – He follows up one newly negotiated injury risk with another. Frank Gore can be a great back but he’s got to have his pads on to post numbers.

3. Reggie Wayne – I’m really down on Wayne this year. When it comes to PPR leagues I barely get him inside my top 20 WRs. Oh, and for those of you who don’t remember Peyton will probably not be throwing to him week 1 and even when he’s back he’s going to take a while to warm up.

4. DeSean Jackson – This is when I really started to doubt he remembered this was PPR. The guy is all about the long ball but doesn’t exactly rack up the receptions (He had 47 last year). And with Maclin, and newly acquired Steve Smith, that number will probably be about the same in 2011. 

5.  Dallas Clark – Considered by most to be one of the best TEs in the league. He looked great last year before leaving after game 6 with an injury. I don’t really have anything bad on Dallas so I’m just going to cross my fingers he gets injured again. No offense Clark. 

6. Ryan Grant – Holy Hospital Batman! He follows up the Gore pick to back him up with a guy who had 8 carries in 2010 before limping out of the picture. There were rumors in the offseason he wouldn’t even be on Green Bay’s roster come 2011 and is currently battling Starks for the starting gig.

7. BenJarvus Green-Ellis – Some douche bags find referring to his name as some kind of law firm as funny. For that I vote this pick a complete fail. 

8. A.J. Green – The kid was a stud at Georgia but don’t expect this rookie to be putting up numbers like Tampa Bay’s rookie Mike Williams did last year. Rookie WRs rarely make a fantasy impact, especially when rookie QBs are slinging them the rock.

9. Eli Manning - I expect a better year from Eli despite being a turnover machine last year. He’s thrown a lot of picks this preseason relative to the time he’s spent in games. On this pick he passes. Psych! JP sucks and so does his team.

10. Daniel Thomas – Ah, finally this hopeless Miami fan picks a hometown favorite. Well, from the looks of it, Reggie Bush may be making a much bigger impact this year. I was high on Thomas early in the year but now I am really doubting his ability to make an impact, barring injury.

11. Pierre Thomas – Taking guys that run the ball on a team that uses four backs isn’t usually the best idea. Especially considering he took a guy who will probably the 3^rd most valuable back on his team. Rookie Mark Ingram and, former Charger, Darren Sproles will most likely be Brees’ new favorite target out of the backfield.

12. Jordy Nelson – Nelson is considered by some to be the ‘Welker of Lambeau’.  In Nelson’s career he has 100 receptions and 6 touchdowns over three years. Those numbers sound more like one year for Welker and since the season doesn’t last three years I’ll pass on Nelson.

13. New Orleans Defense – Picking a defense forced to face Green Bay, Indianapolis, Detroit, the Giants, and Houston is questionable at best. Oh, and they have to face the Bucs and Falcons TWICE. That sounds bad, especially with San Diego still on the board.

14. Matt Bryant – Yes, he took a kicker in round 14 out of 16. Anyone who has graduated 4^th grade or played fantasy football more than once knows not to take a kicker so early. And for the love of God, if you’re going to take a kicker this early you can do better than Matt Bryant.

15. Rob Gronkowski – He took Rob here at 15 and passed on Aaron Hernandez who is Brady’s favored target at TE (and who I picked 1 round later). He must be rooting for guys on my team to get injured too. Nice pick dumbass.

16. Emmanuel Sanders – He might be listed as the 3^rd WR for Pittsburgh but for those of you who have seen what Antonio Brown can do for you (shout out to UPS) know that he probably won’t be making headlines in the Steel City.

If I wasn’t clear enough above, his team sucks. If there was a trophy for running your mouth in the preseason he’d be the champion hands down. But I don’t remember anyone winning the Super Bowl in August. Let’s just consider FantsySportsNow the Dallas Cowboys of fantasy teams.

Oh, and for the record, he did the same thing for fantasy baseball and he’s going to finish the year in last place and 0-3 against my team. Fantasy football won’t be any different.

PS. Only a few hours after this was written, Arian Foster is now likely to be out for the first few weeks of the season with a hamstring injury. Note: Injuries to the ol' hammy don't exactly go away during the season. 

-X